For the past month, I have been under siege from two of the most notorious villains known to enter the halls of CGDMS: Twin brothers who refer to themselves and their compatriots as The Elbow Clan, otherwise known as The Davis Brothers. My classroom, once my safe haven, is now in constant jeopardy. I recall earlier in the year thinking that Mr. Vorrie was paranoid for locking his door whenever he wasn’t in the room. Now I have to resort to the same behavior. Not just doors, though. Even leaving windows open is a fatal mistake! Isaac, the flame-headed bandit, sneaks in here at any given time, and I shudder to think what he’s up to when unsupervised. The students have chosen sides, and the teachers are baffled as to how these two manage to get access to our printers with such alarming frequency.
The Meme War of 2016 has consumed way too much of my time. During my planning period, when I should be grading papers or attending to other important teacher tasks, I have instead been breaking into the boys' lockers to tape up 30 Rock memes that might cause future psychological damage on the children. As an “old person” with much less knowledge of memes and how to find them, I am also woefully unprepared for the volume of ammunition the Davises have at their disposal. Let’s face it: they spend way more time on the internet than I could ever hope to. They’ve also explored the furthest reaches of the deep web, as I know from reading two years’ worth of their writings.
A random sampling of the memes.
At lunch today, I sat in my room alone rather than fraternizing with other adults. I figured I could defend the home turf better that way. Silly me. As I sat at my desk, eating granola and reading junk on the internet, I heard a noise from the back of the room. A strangled scream escaped my food-filled mouth as I saw Isaac standing in the window, watching me eat! While I sat there unsuspecting, he had put five new memes along the back counter. And seconds after the scream, an airborne assault (a meme folded into a paper airplane) from Brendan came through the door! Is nothing sacred to these devils? I’m not sure if even Macdeath and his Lady could win a battle against the Davis Brothers.
In a week, when students are long gone for the summer, I will be packing away my classroom. The school requires that all teachers dismantle their rooms and leave nothing on the walls or on outside surfaces. It is my fear that as I sit in my room alone, organizing (shudder), I will find at least five different memes stashed in various places. I will scream, “Isaac Davis!” alone, with only Mr. Vorrie to hear me and no possibility for revenge.
I teach 7th and 8th grade English in rural Iowa and hope to reflect, connect, and share with other English teachers. Iowa Council of Teachers of English Executive Board member. Iowa Writing Project superfan. UNI MA:TESS graduate.